It's a continent. They have lions and tigers and elephants, and Afrians
Algerious. One of those countries made out of sand, with people in robes and beards. And camels. Cool.
The Amazzon. Is it a river? Or a rainforest? Isn't it disappearing or something? Something bad anyway.
Anartica. It's not a nation, because nobody's from there. Is it a continent? Or a slab of ice? Anyhow, it's way up there, where it's cold.
Angolia. It could be in Afria, maybe in Azia. Don't they get into a lot of trouble? or used to?
The Apps. They're mountains. And you can go skiing there.
Argetina. It's a big country in South Ameria, where Mario and Maria live on a big gaucho and wear big hats with drippy things on them while they round up cattle with their dad Manuel.
Artica. It's a continent next to Anartica? Where it's cold all the time, and nobody lives there, so no nations.
Austria. It's a continent or a nation, but either way it's cool, because it's all the way over on the other side, "down there." They have kangaroos, and on the beaches they have these gorgeous babes who don't wear any tops and sometimes no bottoms too. Everybody there talks in a funny accent, but English, because they started out as part of the Yukay, but then there was continental drift or something. They also have a lot of native people called Aforigines, who were maybe slaves? Probably, because they're black and mostly don't wear clothes, just like the babes on the beach. A long time ago, some rock bands came from there, but not so much now, because there was a boycott till the South Austrians stopped doing Afartheid to the Aforigines. But that's fixed now, isn't it? Still no new bands, though. There's also some weird building they always show on the ads, but nobody knows what it is. Maybe a kangaroo museum?
Austrica. Don't they have funny hats and dance around in the Apps? What else do they do?
Azia. This is one of the continents, maybe the biggest one? It's full of Azians. Really full.
Bahammas. Isn't this where people go on vacation? They have beaches, and palm trees, and cruise ships probably. Does anybody know if they have McDonnal's? They should, or where would people get something to eat on vacation?
Bakassian Republics. These are, like, those people from a thousand years ago who do all the ethics cleansing because they can't have MT Video on TV. They have Nikey caps, though. Cool. They used to be another country, didn't they? But now they have a lot of countries with names like Bimbollia and Unballia, and Krappia, and Demonia, and Slavia. Is that some of them? So they've been killing each other and trying to escape, which is when the Presdent sent a lot of Stelfth bombers and cruise missiles to make them stay in those tents. There were supposed to be choppers too, but they didn't do much and got cancelled for bad ratings. It seems like all their Presdents got sent to court for war crimes, but did anything happen with that? (See "For Troubled Bakassian Republics, Life Means War," Shuteye Times, Shuteye Town 1999.)
Bangkock. It's a city. In maybe Thighland?
Beerlin.It's a city. In Germania. And they have a wall or a gate or something?
Belgiun.It's a country in Yurrup and the people who live there speak Belgiun?
Bellfast.It's a city? In maybe Irelan?And it's all blown up there.
Brad.Isn't this one of those countries that's in Afria? Except this one has a really cool name.
Brassil.It's a city? In maybe Buenas Areas?
Brustles.It's a city? In maybe Flemia. Or Belgiun?
Buenas Areas. It's a country in South Ameria? Does anybody live there?
Bungledash. This is definitely one of those countries in Afria, because everybody there is always starving to death, with flies all over their face and stuff.
Bulivia. Isn't this one of those countries that's in Afria? Or is it in Yurrup instead? Because do they maybe make watches there?
Burmia.Isn't this one of those countries that's in Afria? It must be because you never hear anything about it. Ever.
Botswana, Burundi, Burkina Faso
Burqwanda.Isn't this one of those countries that's in Afria? It must be because it has one of those names you can't say, with 'w's in funny places.
this one of those Roussian Republics?
Chille. It could be way up north where it's cold, or way down south where they have those hot peppers. One of those?
Chyna.They have about two or three billion of them, and they used to be in the Soveit Union, but now they're capitalists instead. Mostly they grow rice, but they also have some islands—like maybe Taiwunon and Honk Kong—where the people make all the stuff Amerians buy at the mall. They should be rich by now, but they don't know about being Pro-Choice to keep the population from getting out of hand. (See also The Boomer Bible, Past Testament, The Book of Chinks, Chapters 1-19.)
Columbia.It's the country where they make all the cocaine?
Conga.It's a country in Afria where they have all those white gorillas?
Constantople.Didn't it used to be a city? In maybe Ittaly when the Romans were?
Costa Riga. Doesn't Ameria like own it? Oh. That's Porto Riga.
Cuber. That's where that little boy Ellio came from, right? There's lots of nice weather and beaches and palm trees and stuff. Also cigars. So Castrol's from there too. Didn't he used to be a bad guy? But now he likes little kids as much as everybody else.
Flemia. They're in Yurrup?
Finnlan.Part of the Yukay?
Franch. The place where they have a lot of wine and women, and they also have berets. The people who live in Franch are called French, because they speak French. That's called French logic, which they're very good at. Franch used to make a lot of history, but now they just wait around for tourists to come so they can be rude to them. They keep the history in museums, which they have a lot of. Also churches, don't they? And don't they have a big film festival in Canned? Is that where they do that cool dance where you can look up the women's skirts? That's in Parish? Oh. There's also the Eiffle Tower in Parish, which is a big city, with artists and women. Didn't they do something in one of the wars? They must have, because they're in Yurrup and everybody in Yurrup was in the wars. Right? Everybody who isn't in Parish makes wine, and then they drink it and drive around their villages in their funny little cars, which are too funny to sell in Ameria. Is there anything else? Restaurants. Franch is famous for their fries, but you can find those pretty much anywhere now, especially if there's a McDonnal's, which they also have in Franch, because you have to be able to get real food somewhere. (See also The Boomer Bible, Past Testament, The Book of Frogs, Chapters 1-40.)
Fulklan Islands. They're islands, and they're located in one of the oceans?
Hamsterdam.A city? Maybe in Germania? It's where those little rats that run in the wheels come from? Probably not.
Hollan.They have windmills. And dykes.
Honk Kong. They're an island, and they have something to do with Chyna? Are they maybe the ones who make all the stuff that says 'Made in Chyna'?
Hugoslavia. They're one of those Roussian countries that used to be in the Soveit Union, so they don't have anything. Maybe a war with Roussia?
they, like, lazy or something? Well, there's something about them. Maybe
Injia.It's the continent where they keep the Middle East, but there's a big chunk that isn't the Nation of Islum because it's full of Hinjus, maybe a billion of them. So maybe it's that part in the middle.They have a lot of cows and cobras too, and nobody ever has anything to eat because they're afraid to go into the fields where the cobras are and they won't eat the cows because they're Hinjus. So they all come to Ameria and go to medical school instead.
Irak.They're involved with the Middle East somehow, and they've got Soddum Hussanus for a Presdent. Ameria kicked his ass in Desert Stork, but since then he's been kicking Ameria's ass with the U.N., because he keeps saying we can't look at his Bomb factory or his chemical and biological weapons until they're ready to use on Newyork. It would spoil the surprise or something.
Iram.Didn't they have some hostages, and Ameria, like, traded them for arms? Something about that. They're in the Nation of Islum, but is there anything else about them?
Irelan.It's part of the Yukay, maybe up north? The Irish come from there, and they like to bomb things. They used to like to drink, but you can't say that anymore, so it's not true.
Isreal.Don't they have a country in the Middle East, only they're Jewish, which is why they all live in Newyork instead of the Nation of Islum, where all the other Middle Easters live? But they keep their Bomb in the Middle East, and that's what makes the Presdent of the Nation of Islum so mad, because he doesn't have one. His name is Lewis Faroffakhan and he keeps taking a million people to Wishington to help him hate the Jews. The biggest one who helps him is Yessir Arafak, who isn't even black, but he hates the Jews too, which is why he used to call them Isnotreal and tried to blow them up all the time till they got the Bomb? But now he wants peace, which everybody could have if Isreal sold their land in the Middle East and moved to Newyork full time, but then they wouldn't have anyplace to keep their Bomb, and so they won't. Isreal also has something to do with the Bible, don't they? Which is another reason why they make everybody so nervous. And wasn't Jeesus from Isreal too? Which makes everything more complicated than ever, because the Jews don't even believe in Jeesus, which is why they always vote Democratic, except maybe if Hillery's on the ballot, because she wants to do what Faroffakhan says, because Al the Sharp One won't make the Afrian-Amerians vote for her if she doesn't. Anyhow, you can see what a mess it all is and why it would never be allowed for Isreal to keep their Bomb in Newyork. It could get dangerous. And so that's why they're always working on a peace plan in the Middle East?
Ittaly.It's where the Mafia is from and is really cool because everybody's name ends with "o" or "i" and has a nickname in the middle in quotes. And all the women have really big boobs and eat pizza till they can't fit in clothes anymore, which is why they used to have more painters than gangsters in the middle ages. And also because there weren't any guns yet in the middle ages. They have a city called Roman where the Romans lived back when there was Egyp and Grece. What they have now instead of Romans is ruins. And churches. Because the Mafia always likes big funerals with lots of flowers, which is best if there's a church, except for when the Mafia is in Lost Vegas, which is different. Isn't there a city called Venich too? Which is all water and is where they invented the thing about sleeping with the fishes, because if you take somebody for a ride in Venich, they're sleeping with the fishes as soon as you push them out the car door. Ittaly is where pizza came from in the first place, and so they have a leaning Tower of Pizza which is on all the pizza boxes all over the wurld. It could maybe be fallen over by now, because it leans pretty far. On the box anyway. Maybe one of those Ittalian women leaned too far over the edge. It seems like that's all it would take. Right? Don't the Ittalians also have a lot of fast, sexy cars? Sure they do. Because you have to get away from the cops, don't you? The faster the better. And sexy doesn't hurt. So if you're running from the cops in a fast, sexy car with a woman who's got big boobs and a mouthful of pizza and then you go speeding by a church where they're having a funeral for a gangster who made some painter sleep with the fishes, you're probably in Ittaly. Especially if a big tower suddenly falls over on your head. (See also The Boomer Bible, Past Testament, Book of Giants, Chapters 1-14.)
Ivy Coast. It's a country? Or a city? Or an island?
we don't know. But it sounds cool.
Nogeria. Another Afrian one. Got to be.
Northern Irelan. More Yukay. They're in Irelan? In the northern part.
North Koreya. Aren't they, like, out of everything but uniforms, guns, and uranium? They're supposed to have a bomb pretty soon, but they don't fight wars with anybody, do they?
Norwegia. They're a country all by themself, up in the north. Aren't they where the Vikings came from? Cool. They speak Norwegian, and they have lots of gorgeous blonde babes if it ever got warm enough for to see they what look like under those parkas.
Nuger.They're a country in Afria, but they're really poor because everybody's afraid to say their name out loud in case it gets taken the wrong way.
(uh, we don't know any of these 'Q' ones right now. They're pretty weird.)
maybe they like it where they are, which we wouldn't know about, because
nobody's ever been there. Right?
Siburia.It's cold there, isn't it?
Siria. It's the place where the Mafia comes from in Ittaly. No, wait... that's wrong. It's Sissaly where the Mafia comes from.
Sissaly.It's the place where the Mafia comes from in Ittaly. Is it maybe a city, or a state or something? It must be.
Snaziland.This is the country where all the Germans hid after the war.
Songapore.Something about beating up defenceless kids... Does anybody remember? No? We can't think of it right now.
South Afria. It's in Afria, in the southern part, at the bottom.
South Ameria. It's a continent and it's full of drugs and rainforests, only not so many rainforests as before because they're knocking them all down to grow more drugs.
South Koreya. Isn't everybody there named Park or Kim? Or is that just the million or so grocery store owners who came to Ameria? The ones who are still in Koreya all work in electronics factories, except for the ones who make cheesy little cars. And aren't they, like, worried about the North Koreyans for some reason? Maybe the presdent should send some troops over there to keep the peace. That would work, wouldn't it?
Soveit Union.They used to own pretty much everything except Ameria and a few countries in Yurrup, but they had a long Coal War with Ameria on account of political differences, because the Soveit Union was communist and Ameria was capitalist. Communists think the government should own all the capital and give a little income to the people, and capitalists think the government should own all the income and give a little capital to the people. It sounds like it should be maybe be the other way around, but it isn't. It turned out the communists were wrong. They used up all their capital building nuclear missiles to aim at Ameria, but Ameria never did run out of income building nuclear missiles to aim at the Soveit Union. You see, when you've got income it keeps coming. When all you've got is capital, it gets used up. Which explains why the only country that's still in the Soveit Union is Cuber, and all the other countries are out on their own now, looking around for some income to own. They haven't had much luck so far, because Ameria owns all the income. Roussia still has a bunch of missiles, though, and they'd really really like some income.
Spaine.They're definitely from Yurrup. They have bullfights and churches. And wasn't some painter from there? But then everybody left to go to South Ameria. (See also The Boomer Bible, Past Testament, The Book of Spics, Chapters 1-17.)
Sri Linki. This would be just a guess, but aren't they off by themself a little, on an island?
Suddan.They're the country in Afria where Clitton sent all the Stelfth bombers when he got empeached. It was cool. They blew up the Suddanese factory so good nobody could even recognize it afterwards.
Suaz Canal. It's a canal somewhere.
Swederland.They're the country in Yurrup with all the banks and the beautiful blonde babes, which is a pretty cool combination. Don't they also do skiing, maybe in the Apps? They also talk Swedish.
Urmenia.If they ever wanted some Amerians to come visit and spend some money, maybe they could change their name to something else. Like maybe Happy City? Would that work?
Uruquay. Or if they don't like Happy City, how about Funland?
Ustonia.Although, if they called themself Funland, probably people would be expecting rides and funnel cakes instead of huts and bad teeth. Right?
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