Cómo pintar retratos de fotografías: un tutorial de pintura de aceite paso a paso

Yo solía ser intimidado por la pintura de retratos. Nunca pude conseguir los colores correcto y siempre me sentí como terminé dibujo con mi pintura en vez de pintar.

Me decidí a hacer frente a la pintura retrato de cabeza, y después de un montón de práctica, ahora me siento muy cómodo pintando retratos. Aquí están los pasos que he desarrollado para pintar un retrato exitoso de una foto.

Por supuesto que soy un completo imbécil.

***************A Man Who Finally Turned to Finer Things

George Walker Chevy Snaffle Adidas Bush, IVHe used to be sort of famous for having a dad who was Presdent, also named Bush, and for owning a big league baseball team in Texus. He could party with the best of them.

via GIPHY

Then he settled down, got married to a nice girl, and discovered he was wanted in the family business. Which, to be blunt, did not come easily to him. He had to be groomed in small venues before he could run for a training-wheels type office in Texus.

Initially he was a complete bust at public speaking. He would stand in front of the microphone, turn bright red, try to crack an off-color joke, and then forget the punchline. Salvation came in the form of a course of instruction in speechwriting and mucho practice at speech delivery reading from his own scripts. The first one was a store opening in Lubbock, where he brought down the house and acquired a measure of confidence.

Next came…

And then…

The children laughed and laughed. He was ready for a shot at a local no-brainer office, Governor of Texus, and not only got elected but re-elected with 70 percent of the vote. It was obviously time to follow his dad’s path to the White House, especially since Bush The Elder had been unceremoniously turned out of office after only one term by a hard-partying southern philanderer and perjurer named Bill Clitton, whose Veep, Al Bore, was confident of succeeding him in office after two popular terms. Bore had a book out, “Loving Ameria,” and so the Bush braintrust decided W needed a book too. (People had been calling him ‘W’ since first grade when his attempts to print his numeral, ‘IV,’ looked a lot like W’s.) With typical impish humor, W decided to call his own book, “Loving Ameria 2.”

Actually all the speech excerpts above are in the book, so you can pretty much go with that as a taste of the overall content.

So far, W is making steady headway in his presidential run, mostly by letting people go on thinking he’s his dad. He does this by not saying much. Which pretty much brings us up to date.

EXCEPT…

The Punk Writer Time Machine

Meaning we have more about George Chevy Snaffle Adidas Bush, IV, for a bunch of years in the future. Cool.

Let’s see. He was (will be) elected presdent over Al Bore in 2000.

The vote count was very close, so close that the Democrats never accepted him as presdent for all 8 years in office. Yes, he got re-elected too. He was even a hero for a while because of a giant 911 call the whole country got in his first year in office. He did some wars, won some battles, and was hated by everybody but some very quiet Republicans. His incredibly huge number of enemies said he was stupid, uneducated, a drunk, and a completely illegitimate mistake. His inner circle of staffers thought the best way to handle the constant abuse and slander was to say nothing, do nothing, and then resign at the first opportunity and write a book while he was still lameducking it in his second term.

So Bush decided to set the record straight with a book of his own, as reported by our friends at the XOFF News Channel:

W. Races His Book to MarketBuoyed by the news that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has published a book about herself in the teeth of congressional approval ratings that are even lower than his own, the President of the United States has announced that a book he has dictated about what it’s like to be him will be hitting the back storage rooms of bookstores all over the nation within the next few weeks.

“They will have to ask for the book by name,” Press Secretary Dana Perrino conceded. “The remarkably superior high school graduates who actually shelve books at the nation’s two bookstores — Borders and Barnes & Noble — are unlikely to carry a book by the President of the United States from the back of the store to anywhere that it might actually be seen or bought. But customers who ask for it are certain to be charmed by an account of the Bush administration from an utterly unexpected source — that of the chief executive from whom everyone else in his administration has made a fortune by libelling him to an unprecedented degree.”

President Bush is also planning, Perrino announced, to spend the rest of his second term on a book tour promoting the work. “I might as well,” she quoted the president as saying, “now that we have an ‘acting president’ so charismatic that the people of Germany are willing to follow him to the very end. Who could compete with that?”

Multiple stops on the president’s literary tour have already been booked, including a county fair in Wyoming, a cable access channel in Cowlick, West Virginia, and a college radio station in Gawdhelpus, Alabama. “We will announce other dates as they are confirmed,” Perrino said.

Some reporters at the press conference questioned the “as told to” attribution of some writing credit to former press secretary Scott McClellan, who has recently become a critic of the Bush administration. Perrino denied that McClellan’s involvement was any cause for concern. “This manuscript was completed well before Scott became a brilliant moral philosopher and political hero,” she said. “In fact, while he was actually taking dictation on the manuscript, he was still somewhere between a talentless Texas toady and an embarrassingly inept impediment to any sort of clear communication between the White House and the press. His new-found greatness as a progressive patriot was simply not a factor in this book, although his involvement did require more than the usual complement of spell-checks, and his foreword underwent multiple surgeries for the removal of metastasizing obsequies.”

The publisher — “You Got the Buck, We Got the Printing Press & Sons — has also released a few text excerpts. Among them:
“Dick Cheney never told me what to do. I brought a cattle prod with me from texas. The old bastard knew I’d stop his pacemaker in a second if he gave me any grief. And I would have, too.”

“I know. They say I’m dumb. I just have one question for them: Do you have any idea how hard it is to cheat your way through Andover, Yale, and the Harvard Business School? It’s damn near impossible. It takes organization, people skills, ruthless determination, and even an occasional lucky guess. I’m nowhere near as dumb as they’d like to think.”

“Drink? You better believe it. Who wouldn’t have after 9/11? Where do you think the term “shock and awe” came from? I gave the GO order in Iraq after I downed one bottle of scotch, one bottle of bourbon, and one 40-ounce bottle of Iron City beer. That’s when the damn generals knew I was serious. That’s my biggest doubt about Obama. World leaders have to be men of the world. FDR never made a decision in WWII without inhaling half a dozen martinis first. Churchill was blasted on brandy from day one of his prime ministership to VE-Day. Lyndon Johnson… well, whew, the stories I could tell from Herr Grandpa Prescott’s diary. And JFK had injections most of us would kill for. Yet, to this day, I’ve never even seen Obama sip a beer. That’s sick. And un-American.””

“I’m more like JFK than my ‘critics’ acknowledge. I went into politics for the same reason he did. Chicks. You get one kind of chick if you own a baseball team. You get a whole different kind of chick if you run the most powerful country on the planet. Enough said. If you want details, talk to Bill. Why do you think he and I hit it off so well?”

“Dan Rather. Geez. I thought he had me. Those memos. Word for word what I remember. What I couldn’t believe was how his snitch remembered them word for word too. If he’d had the actual documents instead of retyped copies, I’d have been a goner. Of course, the much bigger relief was that no one ever found out I didn’t know how to fly a plane. That would have been a political problem.”

“You want to know about Colin Pow? I’ll tell you about Colin Pow. One word. Dork. Never knew a black man who was more concerned about how his tie looked than the lies he was telling the U.N. He can go suck eggs.”

“Well, I actually like Laura. I really do. She’s been a good mother to those kids of ours — daughters, I’m pretty sure. And she stays out of my way. What else can you ask of a wife? I mean, really?”

“People get upset about all those death penalty cases in Texas. Why? Do you want those people running loose in your neighborhood? No. Of course you don’t. Dead is what some people really ought to be. It’s a lot easier to be from Massachusetts or California and act all outraged about the vicious killers we’re executing in Texas than it is to look at your next-door neighbor who got a kid murdered by some psycho and then argue that he should have cable TV, a kitty-cat, and free room and board for the rest of his natural days. Every time I signed a death warrant in Austin, I hung up that ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner I’ve gotten so much grief about. Where do you think we got it in the first place?”

“Yeah, there are always crap-weasels. George Tennent. Richard Clarke. Joe Wilson and that dumb whore wife of his. It goes with the territory. I don’t pay them no mind. When all is said and done, I’m the president. That’s what it’ll say in the history books. Does anybody bother Truman with the crap he pulled on Tokyo Rose? No. The crap-weasels are always footnotes.”

“I get tired of hearing that I’m soft on immigration. Of course I am. Never said I wasn’t. I ran on it back in 2000. How do you think I overcame all that New England constipation? And a mother who looked exactly like John Madden? Her name was Maria. She took care of me when my parents were at Kennebunkport. She taught me Spanish. And she also showed me her breasts. That’s why I’m so bilingual to this day. Quien bustamos las brassieros la takeitoffo nowomos. You see? I just wish that Laura wouldn’t keep stalking out of the room every time ‘West Side Story’ is on and Barney and I start singing ‘Maria’ and toasting each other with Margaritas and like that. It’s a lot more healthily than what we did at Skull & Bones, I can tell you.”

Then he went back to Texus and became an artist. Even had an exhibition at the Metropolis Museum of Art in Newyork City, hosted by his good buddies Bill and Hillery Clitton. Not much about politics anymore. Until That Man came along.