Worse TV

Suddenly realized that just because something’s Brit or Canadian doesn’t make it good. There are things On-Demand and at Netflix that aren’t worth watching. This will be quick. The bad stuff doesn’t result in a lot of data.

Orphan Black. I assume you know better than to watch most BBC sci fi. Primeval, ugh. Anything the Syfy channel plagiarizes, like that abomination with the werewolf, the vampire and the ghost. Orphan Black is new. My wife pulled the pin 15 minutes in. I thought she was a model of toleration. She thought I was testing her. One word: Suck.

Taggart. Scottish slop of a TV crime series. Long running, awful, and incomprehensible. And that’s before we get to the brogue bullshit. Which is actually offensive in its desire not to be understood.

Rebus. See Taggart above.

Cracker: See Taggart above. Only without the brogue.

The Last Detective. A guy with worn out shoes who gets no respect from anybody in his department even though he solves all his cases. Not even allowed a police car. No matter how successful he is, they still hate and despise him. The lead is a former Doctor Who. Don’t be fooled. It’s a crap show.

The Commander. Some Brit female police higher-up and higher than that who strips to her bra in the pilot. It’s a bullet bra. She’s as sexually attractive and charming as a bullet. Don’t waste your time.

DNA. Does Not Attract. Any sentient audience, I mean. Nobody worth liking in the whole cast.

Durham County. Sickening. Starts out perverse and gets worse. Until you want to throw up.

There’s a Canadian show called Intelligence, I believe. Wherein they’re ever so much smarter than the rude Americans. In every single installment. By the third episode, you’re done. You know, Brits do better American accents than Canadians do. Of course, we don’t do Canadian accents at all, do we, eh? Something about familiarity and contempt. Three cheers for us.

Accused. uh, Guilty.

Five Days. See Accused above. Just how awful are we supposed to feel about being alive on earth?

The State Within. (me with my finger down my throat trying to cough it up. Same goes for everything done by this writing and production team.)

Wallander. Suicide porn. DO NOT WATCH.

There’s also a French law enforcement show of some kind, whose name escapes me. Oh. It’s called Spiral. Let the show escape you too. When you see French credits and subtitles, RUN!!!!

My wife was supposed to help on this post. But she’s still not feeling tip top. I’ll get back to you later.

Of course, it’s entirely up to you how many retreads of Miss Marple you can stand.

PS. Two that I was going to list as unworthy my wife did defend. Canadian both. Flashpoint and Rookie Blue. For what it’s worth.

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