Never heard of it.

Time, I think, for a new Secretary of State. He has a longer face than John Kerry. He’s better at escaping difficult situations than Hillary, who always seems to be left sourly holding the bag.

Even better, he seems never even to have heard of Syria, which would, what’s the term, “inform” his decision about whether we should intervene between one of gang of killers and a second gang of killers in the name of social justice.

To tell the truth, Raebert doesn’t really care about social justice. What he cares about is jobs for the hardworking people of America.

No. He doesn’t care about jobs either. Sorry. Forgive me.

Raebert cares about me and the missus. But he gives great speeches.

No. He doesn’t give great speeches. But he’s tall, dark, and handsome. He understands English as well as most Yalies, and he even knows when to lie down (er, when you ask him if he needs to go out and pee). What more can you ask of an American Secretary of State in the age of Obama?

I can pee any time. Right now, I prefer to sit here and glisten.

Pretty perfect if you ask me.