Hidden Shuteye Nation

Adjustments will be made, but Shuteye Nation is not yet complete. I’ll leave the gurus to do their thing, but you need to know there’s more. Always more. One example. This from an SN column you haven’t seen yet.

December 15, 2001

imageTHE TRAILER CRITIC

At last, a welfare system for old actresses

Show business isn’t kind to actresses who reach middle age and beyond. For every new starlet who bounces into the spotlight, there’s a fading flower in the corner whose petals droop another inch lower. Over the years not much has been done to mitigate this built-in unkindness, but now our friends the Brits seem to have come up with a remedy. It’s called The Carnal Graduate, a stage version of the movie that made stars of Dustin Hopeless and Katherine Cross way back in the sixties. Of course, in keeping with the times, the coveted role in this production is that of Mrs. Robinson, the ‘older woman’ with whom the young male protagonist has a somewhat cold-blooded affair. Why is the part of Mrs. Robinson so intensely sought after, you ask? Because in the stage production Mrs. Robinson makes her entrance with a 20-second full-frontal nude scene. When this fact became known, the producer couldn’t beat off the auditioners with a stick.

The first to win the prize was Kathleen Tourner, who opened the show with a sizzling portrayal of a nude older woman that captivated audiences throughout the Yukay, where it is widely rumored that most men have never seen a breast, let alone all that other stuff. As the ticket lines got longer, so did the list of aging actresses who wanted to streak into the spotlight for another go at the big time. So far, Ms. Tourner has been replaced by an aging supermodel, an aging Brit TV actress, and an aging Amerian TV actress.

Where will it all end? Nobody knows. It could be that the show will run forever, or at least until every sagging actress who wants it has had her chance to glow in the limelight one more time. Come to think of it, that’s just another way of saying the show will run forever. Think of it as a welfare system for over-the-hill screen sirens.

The only possible log in the water is the ominous trend of casting older and older actresses in the lead role. Could it be that Mrs. Robinson will eventually reach an age at which men won’t ante up to see her stark naked anymore? Come to think of it, that’s just another way of saying the show will run forever.

Opportunity to pay attention to what I said before about looking for links. If you click on Kathleen Tourner, you can go five levels deep. You’ll know when you get to the end. (Which isn’t the end, of course.) Pretty much how Shuteye Nation and all works by me work.

And, yes, I am and have always been a salacious bastard.

One thought on “Hidden Shuteye Nation

  1. When this fact became known, the producer couldn’t beat off the auditioners with a stick.”

    I presume that they demanded something more “human” than a stick.

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