They get along. Mostly.

I was just wondering, what can we learn from cats? They’re actually more like people than dogs are. Altruism isn’t their long suit. Touchy, prejudiced, self-centered, predatory, and possessive. But they’re neither anti-social nor heartless. Like the two guys in the pic. You should hear what Mickey (right) says about orange cats. They’re stupid and obnoxiously physical, low-class bullies who don’t know their place and would just grab everything if nobody brought them up short from time to time.

Whereas Elliott (left) thinks gray cats are a kind of plague. Just because they’ve been around forever (and ever), they think they get first dibs on everything, including the food in orange cat bowls and the Big Guy’s lap. The world would be a better place without them, and somebody somewhere should teach them a serious lesson about not being such a prick all the time. If they didn’t have all that extra weight (gravitas) they all have, the orange cats would teach them that lesson. Count on it.

On the other hand, they can make allowances. They agree that the little golden girl who is a third their size requires looking after by both of them.

Izzie the Bengal. 7 lbs of trouble.

They don’t always agree on what “looking after” means. Elliott knows it means playing hard with the aggressive little one. Mickey knows there’s a difference between playing hard and playing too damn hard. Which is when orange bullies need their asses kicked. And DO get their asses kicked.

But here’s the thing. All the conflicts and biases don’t turn into enmity. They’re both champs at just hanging out, even with each other.

What does it say that the world’s most successful and promiscuous predators, with a love of sheer killing that makes even humans seem like pikers, can settle down beside one another and purr like everything is, deep down, cool?

You tell me.

None of these platitudes apply to Izzie. Celebrities live by different rules altogether. In 7 years, she’s never scored a single takedown in her fights with the big guys. Ask her? She’s won every bout. Lindsay Lohan should have her confidence.