I half expect to see Clinton and Stacy from ‘What Not to Wear’ pursuing the protesters down the runway… “Don’t show off what you don’t have!”

I have one objective today. To make people laugh. My Global Warming piece failed. You’re all too serious, knotted up, falling to earth without a ripcord… Wrong way to do it, friends. You got to reeeelaaaax.

Try this:

A Liverpool model said she “punched” two Femen protesters who broke onto the catwalk at Paris fashion week and grabbed her arm.

Hollie-May Saker was modelling for designer Nina Ricci in the French capital when protesters from the radical feminist group ran on stage, with the words “model, don’t go to brothel” painted across their torsos.

When one of the two women grabbed Ms Saker’s hand, she can be seen pulling her hand away in response, before both members of the Ukrainian group were dragged away by a security guard who quickly rushed onto the stage.

Anfield resident Ms Saker continued to walk around the catwalk even as the protesters were being pulled off stage.

Speaking to the Liverpool Echo, Ms Saker said: “I punched her – I didn’t mean to but she grabbed my arm and I just wanted to get her off me.

“I was the 19th girl out of the catwalk and I could hear screaming behind me.

“As she grabbed by arm she lifted my skirt exposing me – I pulled my arm back with such force that I landed a punch square on her nose.”

It’s a fun story, guaranteed to be more interesting than what Boehner said to Reid on their landline phones.

Don’t you love the way they put “punched” in quotes. Models can’t punch. Just like high fashion models don’t actually have breasts, any more than they have flesh on their thighs or hips. Perfect. So protesters of models are actually like anti-models and they don’t have any of those things either. Not to mention the brain thing. Which I won’t.

So that leaves us with models built like starving twelve year old boys being protested by Femen activists built like starving twelve year old boys, both endowed with the brains of sociopathic nine year olds (sorry, I lied), and there’s both nudity and violence!!!

Except that there isn’t. No breasts at all. No punches at all. Just an anorexic flail of arm.

Oh well. Think of it as part of my continuing training on the Obama foreign policy. Nothing done but nothing to look at anyway.

On the other hand, naked is naked. You do get to see the empress unclothed. If you choose to look away, that’s information too. Obama’s spent a lot of time on the runway. I’ve seen enough skinny pigeon chest for a lifetime. How about you?

Relax.