Who has more of a story to tell about Jesse Jaxon than Jesse Jaxon? We hear that more words are planned and will be imminently forthcoming, with lots of “warning drumming” in advance. Enjoy what we have thus far.

My Life of Strife

By Jesse Jaxon

I view the writing of this book with anticipation, because I know I’ll get good participation, from all the people who read, from all the people who bleed, and all the people who need, what I’m about to say.

I was born, near the corn, because my daddy was a farmer, and my Mama was a charmer, and my birthday was a three-alarmer, because everyone who saw me, thought I was so precocious, it made them all ferocious, and they accidently made me nauseated, so I vomited. That’s when my Mama called the fire truck, cause we were so down on our luck, that the only way to get me to a doctor, was on a tractor, or somehow get a favor, from the driver of the local hook-and-ladder. What it is, Mama! But many as deir falsehoods wuz, dere wuz one omdem which quite amazed me; Ah mean when dey told ya t’be upon yo guard, and not t’let youselves be deceived by de force o mah eloquence. Sheeeiit. Dey ought t’gots been ashamed o sayin dis, a’cuz dey wuz shont’be detected as soon as Ah jimmy’d mah lips and displayed mah deciency.

What it is, Mama! But many as deir falsehoods wuz, dere wuz one o’ dem which quite amazed me; Ah mean when dey told ya t’be upon yo guard, and not t’let youselves be deceived by de force o mah eloquence. Sheeeiit. Dey ought t’gots been ashamed o sayin dis, a’cuz dey wuz shont’be detected as soon as Ah jimmy’d mah lips and displayed mah deciency. What it is, Mama! But many as deir falsehoods wuz, dere wuz one o’ dem which quite amazed me; Ah mean when dey told ya t’be upon yo guard, and not t’let youselves be deceived by de force o mah eloquence. Sheeeiit. Dey ought t’gots been ashamed o sayin dis, a’cuz dey wuz shont’be detected as soon as Ah jimmy’d mah lips and displayed mah deciency…

That’s the only excerpt that was available at deadline.

[A special note of thanks to Stanford University for providing officially approved Ebonic-Greeked text from a Socratic source. More from those old white guys here: https://web.stanford.edu/~eckert/PDF/ronkin1999.pdf.]