We couldn't think of more about it right now, so we asked Dr. Pangloss...
The War  in Veetnam ...and he said we shouldn't worry about it because it's all over now. Then he explained how all the shit happened. He said there are places in the wurld where they don't have NBA Basketball or NFL Football, and so what the people do instead is have wars with each other. Like in Koreya, and the Middle East, and Yurrup, and the Roussian Republics, and the Bakassian Republics, and Veetnam. The Veetnam- mers have been at it for about 1500 years now, because their country is too skinny, and the ones up north never get to visit the ones down south, and vice versa, which makes them get ideas about how bad the other ones are. For most of the 1500 years, nobody much cared about how they were fighting all the time, but then Chyna did something in the 1940s? Was that it? Chyna? Right. They went communist, and then the North Veetnammers thought that would be a good way to show how different they were from the South Veetnammers and they went communist too, which started a war. Dr. Pangloss said that's when Franch sent a bunch of soldiers to keep the communists from taking over, because Franch still thought it owned Veetnam since that's what all the maps in Franch said. Anyhow, the Veetnammers kicked Franch's ass, and so they gave up and went back to Parish for some wine, which is when Ameria decided to get involved. Presdent Schwartzenkennedy sent some soldiers in, but he got killed, so Presdent Johnston sent more soldiers in, and then we had all those soldiers over there, with Veetnammers shooting at them from both sides, and so the only thing to do was send more soldiers in, until there were, like, half a million Amerians in the middle of that skinny country getting shot at by both sides, because to the Veetnammers it was like having a nice playoff game between the Newyork Kinks and the New Joisey Nuts, and suddenly who shows up on the court but the Alanta Falcups? You can see what the problem is right away, because the Falcups wouldn't know shit about how to win a game of roundball, no matter what side they were trying to help. Like they might try a long bomb, but who cares? That's how it was with the Amerians. They had a bunch of B-52 bombers, so they tried the long bomb, but the Veetnammers didn't have anything to bomb. What they had was rice paddies, palm trees, and thatched huts. So the bombing didn't do anything but make them mad. And the Amerians thought there were people who were too little to play ball, but that was wrong too. The Veetnammers had plenty of women and children who could shoot guns, and make booby traps, and sneak bombs onto the Amerian bench, and that's when the Amerians started to get funny in the head. They thought they were like these good guys, only now they were shooting women and children and old people, and the bombers were dropping bombs on trees, and the Amerians were getting shot and blown up and airlifted out of rice paddies in body bags, and nobody was winning the war. Because winning the war wasn't really the point, or the Veetnammers would have figured something out in 1500 years. The worst part, according to Dr. Pangloss, was that the people back in Ameria were watching the war on TV every night, and all they could see was that Amerians were getting killed and they weren't even winning. So a lot of them started to tell Presdent Johnston to stop the war, and the kids who were supposed to go fight in it got even more pissed off than that. They burned their draft cards (which were something about joining the army) and they all dropped out of school to smoke weed and have sex with everybody. Dr. Pangloss said it all got pretty bad. In Veetnam, the religious monks were burning themselves in protest, and in Ameria, the kids were burning their card things and a few college campuses in protest, and so the Presdent thought the only thing to do was burn down all of Veetnam in protest, which he did with things called napalms. That didn't work either, so finally Presdent Johnston  decided not to be presdent anymore, and Presdent Nixxon took over. What he did was work out a way to surrender without admitting it, and eventually all the Amerian soldiers came home, and Veetnam went communist, which was called "peace with honor." The whole thing lasted 10 years or so, which is pretty quick by Veetnam standards, but the Amerians lost about 60,000 soldiers, who got killed by Veetnammers or took too many drugs. That's why there's the wall in Wishington. When you lose 60,000 soldiers for nothing, Dr. Pangloss said, you better remember the names of all of them, because that's the only thing they're ever going to get out of it. So we asked Dr. Pangloss how come we don't remember anything about it, and he said it's all for the best, because we already know the most important part, which is never learning how to find Veetnam on the map. That's the best lesson about Veetnam Amerians are capable of learning these days. He said.