Mammories

When Did It Become Mandatory 
 to  Flash Flesh?

 By Heidi Oringer

 I recently attended the MTV Movie Awards and was
 aghast  over what I saw — breasts.  Breasts, breasts 
 everywhere and not a drop to drink. (Is that a saying, or
 did I just make it up?) I really couldn’t believe it. I mean, I
 must  have been asleep when the edict came down that 
 from this day forward, it is mandatory to flash bosom at an
 awards event.

 Citing examples is hardly a chore, as the MTV event
 offered a plethora of both over- and underdeveloped
 female celebrities who were happily exposing chest flesh. 

 Sticky Cleavage Solutions
 A stunning case in point: MTV veejay Ananda Lewis,
 recently proclaimed one of the “Most Beautiful People”
 by People magazine. She was wearing a gray pantsuit
 with a long jacket. The jacket was COMPLETELY open
 and the only thing preventing the entire world from gazing
 upon her nipples was some bits of TAPE that kept the
 garment from sliding off. 
      I’m not sure if it was scotch, duct, packing, or
 double-sided sticky, but Lewis did confirm it was indeed
 the desktop staple that prohibited what was inside her
 clothes from springing outside her clothes.
      Another exposer was actress Tara Reid of American
 Pie, girlfriend of Carson Daly. She had on a black top,
 also wide open, only there was nary an office supply
 holding the fabric in place. You get the picture. (Or
 perhaps you’d like to see a picture.) 

 The Invisible Wardrobe
 Then there was the evening’s hostess, Sarah Jessica
 Parker, who wore a variety of attractive outfits, almost all
 of which had one thing in common — their
 see-throughness. (I’m sure that’s not a word, but it helps
 with the visual.) It seemed as if the entire point of Sarah
 Jessica’s existence was to regale the viewing audience
 with the variety of ways she could show her ta-tas.
      On the flip side, the female celebs who chose not to
 flash their fronts showed off their backs and sides instead.
 This was done with the art of the latest fashion craze, the
 halter top.
     Sarah Michelle Gellar (Cruel Intentions), Selma Blair
 (Cruel Intentions) and Amy Smart (Outside
 Providence) were all in various forms of halter, held
 together in the back by mere threads. I truly believe the
 only reason these actresses didn’t participate in the
 open-front look is because they have very little to display.
 Or perhaps they’re just more conservative. (I’m guessing
 the former and not the latter, but you know me, pessimism
 personified.)
      Let me say, I am certainly not a prude. I am not
 condemning these women for flopping about freely. I just
 think there should be decorum when attending an awards
 ceremony, regardless of who’s throwing it. (Except with
 the Adult Video News Awards, also known as “The
 Pornos.” For that, ANYTHING goes.)
      After all, the MTV audience is primarily young,
 impressionable teens. And based on what the female stars
 were flaunting, the teens (at least the boys) will be mightily
 impressed. I’m sure if you asked your average kid what
 he or she preferred, the look at the Oscars or the MTV
 Movie Awards, MTV’s would win hands down. (Maybe
 that’s not the operative body part to use here.)
      Let’s face it, beauty is skin deep, but seeing skin is
 beautiful to most.
      But I urge you to make your own decision. The MTV
 Movie Awards airs June 8 at 9 p.m. ET on the cable
 music network. 
      Did I say it airs June 8? Perhaps I should have said
 bares! 
 

 Heidi Oringer is director of entertainment
 programming at ABCNEWS Radio.</