Losing Greyhounds

She steals my place on the couch and she walks on me a lot. I put up with it because she's Molly.

She steals my place on the couch and she walks on me a lot. I put up with it because she’s Molly. I have the inside track on Cheetos too. She lunges before she makes nice. I just look wistful and stricken.

Our own grey, Molly, is fine, so this is not that kind of report. But the people who rescue racing greyhounds after their track days are a community, partly geographical, partly evangelical, and wholly devoted. We frequently know the others in our area who also have greys, and often the others are people who persuaded us to rescue in the first place, while just as often they’re the people we’ve persuaded to follow this unique path.

Why, when one is lost to age or disease, we feel it especially keenly. This happened to us over the weekend. Friends of ours had to put one of theirs down. We know how they feel because we’ve been there. It’s a common end for greys and it’s hardly ever “in the fullness of time.”

The breed is in many ways distinct from all others. They are purebreds who have been massively overbred as livestock in service to a legal, profitable industry, dog racing. All the rescues have birthdate tattoos in their ears, like cattle. Which is how most have been treated since birth through their racing years, raised without human affection or even human interaction.

Indiscriminate breeding of purebreds also leads to multiple genetic predispositions to disease that plague many purebreds but can be guarded against in many breeds by scrupulous breeders. As a result, greyhounds suffer inordinately from cancer. They have, almost all of them, bad teeth. And because of their extreme physical traits, no body fat, incredibly compressed digestive systems and leg bones, they are unusually prone to grievous limb injuries and death by bloating.

My wife and I have had four greyhound rescues. One died of bone cancer, and we were present for the euthanasia. Even the vet wept. One died very suddenly of liver cancer. A third died because we foolishly allowed another vet to remove all but four of his rotten teeth; he declined with extraordinary rapidity, and we will never consent to that treatment again.

Why am I telling you this? The rescue spiel is supposed to begin with the good things and mention the bad as a kind of asterisk or footnote the good hearted need to know. It’s not. It’s part of the deal in virtually every instance.

I’m telling you because it’s all worth it, every bit of it, even if you’re not some kind of determinedly self-sacrificing altruist. Something even we need to remind ourselves of when worse comes to worst.

A rescue acquisition is carried out like some kind of drug deal. Two cars rendezvous in the remote corner of a mall parking lot. The foster parents — the real saints who take them directly from the track and screen them for the small animal aggressiveness that coincides with a predator who runs 45 mph in pursuit of a fake rabbit — pull up in a modest compact car and you exchange tentative greetings, both of you feeling each other out, before they open the rear door and introduce you to the “package,” a full-grown dog who has never had a puppyhood or a human relationship that didn’t end in sudden disappointment.

I remember when we got Andrew, the fosters were apologizing that he might be difficult to extract from their back seat because he was so timid and shy of men in particular. I leaned into the car and grasped his leash. He looked at me and came out of the car immediately. I turned in the direction of our car and he led me to it without a backward glance. I opened the door and he clambered in. He was going home.

Believe me, I’m not presenting myself as a dog whisperer. There’s a spiritual aspect to the greyhound experience. Somehow dogs are supposed to be with human families and they have a sense of this that survives even the most extreme deprivations. I think Andrew just knew that his family had finally come for him, and he’d been waiting for them all this time.

When I was courting my wife, she already had a greyhound named Sonny who was notoriously timid with men. I never saw it. He was like, “Oh, YOU’RE finally here,” and within a week or two of that first introduction, we went to a thing called a greyhound meet where dozens of rescue people bring their dogs for a day of schmoozing in the open air. The people make each other’s acquaintance, though the dogs don’t have to. Greyhounds know each other as members of the same breed in a way I’ve never seen with any other breed, except possibly deerhounds. They hang their heads over each others’ necks and there’s never any barking or confrontation. You see one small woman with five greyhound leashes in her hand, and her dogs aren’t pulling her off her feet; they’re just visiting with the others, including the multiple amputees who seem to move as easily as the rest of them.

Sonny, though, was also timid about crowds — all those humans — and he clung to my leg as if we’d been practicing “heel” for months and months. He couldn’t even bring himself to eat a hotdog. But he had chosen me as his anchor for the day. He was the one I had to watch, a scant time after, put to sleep to end the great pain of his final illness.

When you see a greyhound in profile against strong sunlight, you can actually see the sun through the skin, tendons, and bones of their legs. They’re translucent. Light is their thing. People talk about their speed, which is an order-of-magnitude faster than most breeds considered quick and even marginally better than other sight hounds, which is saying plenty. Second only to cheetahs among land animals. But it’s not the speed of light. That’s reserved for their vision. Which is superior to ours. Our greyhounds can be outside, behind a chain link fence in their necessary enclosure, in the first light of dawn, and see you standing behind the bay window a hundred feet away watching them. They look at you and see you.

Which is the answer to all the questions about why you’d involve yourself with this problematic and assailed exotic. They look at you and they see you.

Forget all the marketing truisms, which are nevertheless true. They are mild mannered couch potatoes. They have a penchant for stuffed toys, which they actually seem to adopt. They like cushions and pillows, which they arrange in curious ways, just as they enmesh themselves in odd folds of blankets and comforters. They have to be taught how to walk up and down stairs, even though they’re the greatest extreme athletes in the canine world. They are continuously, gravely affectionate (not much licking but they love strong hugs), undemanding, and almost automatically housebroken, because their early lives left them outside so often it’s the place where they know to pee and poop.

Forget the mandatory mentions of their failings. Without puppy experience with humans, they have rotten table manners. With their great noses, they know what food you’ve got nearby, had two hours ago, and are thinking about now. They would like all of that food, please, even though their diets have to be incredibly strict. (A contradiction, though. They’ll steal unattended food. But when it’s offered as a treat, they’re gentle to the point of delicacy — even the giant hairy barbarian uber-greyhound Raebert.) They don’t learn tricks easily. Even sitting down like all good dogs do is a fake with them. Their rear ends are never planted on the ground, only poised on feet that are ready to hit top speed in three strides. Hardly anyone ever calls them intelligent. (Although owners of greys have learned that term is relative; they could never be police dogs, seeing eye dogs, bomb-sniffing dogs, cadaver dogs, watchdogs [forget it!] or anything involving 9 to 5 hours and human definitions of utility; yet as therapy dogs, they are sublime.) You can’t ever let them off the leash without a fence because you’d get three seconds of glorious speed and never see them again; they can’t find their way home. And back home on the warm couch, when they haven’t SEEN you in too long a while, they whine.

But that’s kind of the point, isn’t it? They see you and they know you. Their love is a gift of light. Having a greyhound in your family is like having a unicorn. An impossible, oxymoronic miracle of the universe. They need you deeply but have no need to possess you. They have a kind of focused violent strength that’s hard to believe until you experience it. I was once walking Sonny’s bro Patrick in my mother’s back yard when he spotted a real rabbit across the street. He was at full speed before he reached the end of the leash. Almost yanked my arm out of the socket. I wailed “no,” and he stopped cold. “Sorry,” as he meekly returned for a single Cheeto from my mother’s hand.

And, yes, they love children, form strong emotional relationships with cats, and love to go for long satisfying walks without needing to work out with weights and track shoes, er, ever.

When they die, you always die a little too. That’s a fact. Rescue owners all have a trail of souls that feel like lost children. But it’s a direct answer to the universal question of suffering. How do we humans ever get to experience the existence of a hummingbird, so beautiful and so remote from our own ability to perceive?

Dogs are one of our direct channels to the divine. Greyhounds are the canine version of hummingbirds. Translucent wings, mysterious otherness, and the proof that human love matters in even this ephemeral realm. I don’t know what angels are. But I saw the look in my failing mother’s eyes when Patrick took a Cheeto oh-so-gently from her hand, just one before lying down quietly, and came back hours later, as if on a schedule with her naps, for the same communion. Communion given or received, your call. But I saw her smile.

Patrick. You’d never have guessed him for a soft touch. I used to call him the Schwarzenegger of greyhounds. His muscles had muscles. He led every race he ever ran for the first hundred yards. I had to carry him to the end of his final one. I’d do it again a hundred times for having the privilege of knowing him. I do believe he was my mother’s last love, though she knew him in only the final few weeks before her death. She was the one who told me, way back in my childhood, that greyhounds were just dumb. I’m glad she finally got to experience their eloquence. A gospel in the simple taking of a Cheeto.

As I said. Greyhounds. Worth every bit of the inevitable heartbreak of loss.

Glories of Technology

A Moment of Recognition

A Moment of Recognition. DON’T TOUCH THE FLOWERS! Is that simple enough, even for kids?

Hard to resist Luddite emotions. The Jersey motorhead who’s frightened of all the texting teenage drivers. Disgust at all the Facebook kids who photograph themselves doing anything and everything. Life is NOT photographs of you being pleased with yourself. But I have to keep myself honest. Every once in a while, the new technology works.

When do you ever get to see the love of your life the way she must have been when she was just a tadpole? I mean, you glimpse it now and again in children and grandchildren. Evanescent. Glimmering. But if you have a picture you take and then discover is special, and you go back to it because it reminds you of the extraordinary course of her life, which finally delivers her to YOU, then that’s pure gold.

We saw this little girl at Longwood Gardens. She was a handful, to her parents and everyone else. But beautiful. My wife would have been exactly like her at that age. WAS, at that age. I’ve heard the stories.

The ubiquity of the iPhone can be a sort of time machine. All those random snaps we take can be both past and future. That’s the promise and the peril.

We’re playing with time now. I hope we’re up to it.

The Orange and the Gray

They get along. Mostly.

They get along. Mostly.

I was just wondering, what can we learn from cats? They’re actually more like people than dogs are. Altruism isn’t their long suit. Touchy, prejudiced, self-centered, predatory, and possessive. But they’re neither anti-social nor heartless. Like the two guys in the pic. You should hear what Mickey (right) says about orange cats. They’re stupid and obnoxiously physical, low-class bullies who don’t know their place and would just grab everything if nobody brought them up short from time to time.

Whereas Elliott (left) thinks gray cats are a kind of plague. Just because they’ve been around forever (and ever), they think they get first dibs on everything, including the food in orange cat bowls and the Big Guy’s lap. The world would be a better place without them, and somebody somewhere should teach them a serious lesson about not being such a prick all the time. If they didn’t have all that extra weight (gravitas) they all have, the orange cats would teach them that lesson. Count on it.

On the other hand, they can make allowances. They agree that the little golden girl who is a third their size requires looking after by both of them.

Izzie the Bengal. 7 lbs of trouble.

Izzie the Bengal. 7 lbs of trouble.

They don’t always agree on what “looking after” means. Elliott knows it means playing hard with the aggressive little one. Mickey knows there’s a difference between playing hard and playing too damn hard. Which is when orange bullies need their asses kicked. And DO get their asses kicked.

But here’s the thing. All the conflicts and biases don’t turn into enmity. They’re both champs at just hanging out, even with each other.

What does it say that the world’s most successful and promiscuous predators, with a love of sheer killing that makes even humans seem like pikers, can settle down beside one another and purr like everything is, deep down, cool?

You tell me.

None of these platitudes apply to Izzie. Celebrities live by different rules altogether. In 7 years, she's never scored a single takedown in her fights with the big guys. Ask her? She's won every bout. Lindsay Lohan should have her confidence.

None of these platitudes apply to Izzie. Celebrities live by different rules altogether. In 7 years, she’s never scored a single takedown in her fights with the big guys. Ask her? She’s won every bout. Lindsay Lohan should have her confidence.

Things I Know

If he's not happy I'm not happy.

If he’s not happy I’m not happy.

Not everything is lovely. Not all endings are happy. A thing I want to share with some of our readers who are just approaching what used to be called middle age. You won’t be able to take all your friends with you. One of the commenters on a recent post alluded to this in passing. I know it’s a source of grief. But it really shouldn’t be.

Every life has a trajectory. Imagine each life with a graph of that trajectory. As with most graphs, there will be intersections. Unlikely that all the trajectories of youth will coincide for long. Why marriage is so sacredly important. It’s a vow that two trajectories will remain the same, will intertwine themselves and stay together. The double helix of lived life. Think. You can actually see it.

Not how friendships work. There can be consistencies that keep trajectories close, within hailing distance because of shared values and interests. But there are also certain to be shocking divergences. Oaths of friendship are not marriage vows. As you proceed through life, you WILL lose friends you never thought you would.

The compensation is that there are new friends. People whose early trajectories might have been startlingly different than yours. But a convergence occurs that might be more meaningful than the coincidences of youth. Mature people may be headed in the same direction, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. Be open to the possibility.

Not every lost friendship is a failure. Not every new friendship is a sign of superficial “affection of the moment.” You’re not who you were when you were 20, 30, or 40. That’s okay. Because some people are. They’re stuck. They’re lost. Or they’ve chosen a very different path from anything that makes sense to the you you are now.

Forgive yourself and welcome the new friends. The old friends who are worthy will make themselves known to you. Not your job to bend over backwards out of misbegotten loyalty.

Honestly, Raebert doesn’t get this. His trajectory is much more like a marriage vow, both to me and his mommy. Upset me and you upset him. Some friendships are like that. Most aren’t.

I hate to do this because everyone knows that I revere Fitzgerald above all other American writers. But here’s one of the reasons why. He defined the difference between romance and sentimentality in simple terms. The romantic knows that everything has to end. The sentimentalist wants everything to go on forever. It doesn’t. And it can’t. Meaning the romantic is the realist and the sentimentalist the utopian fool. Go figure.

Simmer down, Raebert. We have plenty of the best friends anyone ever had. And our friends are your friends.

Pharaohs-R-Us

Symbolism is cool.

Symbolism is cool.

Here’s the irony of post-modern rationalism. When you evict from the culture a God of tradition, morality, and judgment, you still get gods. Pagan ones. What they do is right because they do it, and their followers just worship the iconography. The loyalties are specific and personal, what is called in secular contexts a cult of personality. The new gods walk among us and, like Pharaohs, their shine is more glamour than wisdom.

Since this happens to an astonishingly consistent degree — Castro, Lenin, Stalin, Kim Jong Il, Pol Pot, Ho Chi Minh, Hugo Chavez, Hitler, Mao — at what point do the most devout realists begin to accept that the concept of the divine is hard wired into the human brain? If it’s just an accident or mistake of evolution, does it really matter? By what arrogance do the superior ones believe they can overcome the mandates of evolution?

If gods are an inevitability in human culture, which type should we trust more, or more cynically, distrust less? The ones who speak in stone and written scripture or the ones who bray at us through microphones, in love with the sound of their own voices?

Just a passing thought on an otherwise lovely spring day.

Hunkering

Sometimes you hunker down.

Sometimes you hunker down.

What was it the poet said? The world is too much with us. There are times when we can all agree that things aren’t going well. These are the times when we should be able to help one another. Going inside ourselves for comfort doesn’t mean cutting everyone else out. It means finding the root things that sustain us at the most elemental level. We should be able to share those things, those moments, those private resources.

I invite you all to share now. What keeps you sane? A rich beef stew? A catch in the back yard? A book read out loud with the kids? An arm around your spouse? Let’s hear it.

It doesn’t have to be poetic. I don’t care if it’s bowling or chihuahua tricks or Fred Astaire movies. But there’s no way we’re not all hunkering down in some way right now. We don’t have to do it all alone.