Yeah. I have one of these. It’s called a trench knife.

Biff baff! The whole thing in a nutshell. Helk is a gifted physicist. His girlfriend is a dimwit communist. Apparently they find each other desirable. He’s brilliant. She’s a moron. In the great grand scheme of American egalitarianism, they’re the same thing. He votes, she votes, we vote, they vote, and let’s call the whole thing off.

Sad facts. The death of America is attributable to women. Why we’re doomed. Unless women wake up. It’s all simple. Women think they’re morally superior. Until they want to kill the thing in their womb. Which only they have the judgment to identify as cells or baby stuff.

I’ll say what nobody else will. Women are moral idiots. Without men, morality would never have been invented. Men knew that they needed some restraints on their own urges and desires. It never once occurred to women that they needed same. No major religion or moral philosophy has ever originated with women. Only the nastiness of witchcraft, lately dressed up as Wicca and Gaia.

What do you need to know? Women have babies. Mothers want babies. Other women don’t. More than half of babies gestated in New York City die. Really?

Yes.

Because women are so loving, blah blah blah.

But abortion helps the disadvantaged. Like Margaret Sanger the eugenicist promised.

Margaret Sanger wrote about her Ku Klux Klan speech in her autobiography, “I accepted an invitation to talk to the women’s branch of the Ku Klux Klan…I saw through the door dim figures parading with banners and illuminated crosses…I was escorted to the platform, was introduced, and began to speak…In the end, through simple illustrations I believed I had accomplished my purpose. A dozen invitations to speak to similar groups were proffered.” (Margaret Sanger: An Autobiography, P.366)

What did she say in her talk at the KKK Rally that led to twelve more invitations? Well, take a look at some of her past quotes:

1) “We should hire three or four colored ministers, preferably with social-service backgrounds, and with engaging personalities. The most successful educational approach to the Negro is through a religious appeal. We don’t want the word to go out that we want to exterminate the Negro population. and the minister is the man who can straighten out that idea if it ever occurs to any of their more rebellious members.”

So I’m the bad guy. I get it. I love corporations. Which I haven’t eschewed for years and years of accusations and disgust. What’s important is the protestations of someone who hasn’t the slightest idea how economics work. You just say, “Corporations!” And we’re all supposed to fall down in Gaian despair.

Grow up, girls. And grow up, boyfriends of imbecilic girls.

Too much to ask? No. A vagina is not a brain. It’s just a vagina. Fun but not intelligent.

Hey! We’re busy!

Everybody got all upset that the president didn’t attend the meeting of the National Security Team the other day. Who cares about the Ukraine anyway? Nobody. Not really.

There isn’t going to be a war over Ukraine. There isn’t even going to be a crisis over Ukraine. We will perform our ritual war-dance and excoriate the Evil Emperor, and the result would be the same if we had sung “100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” on a road trip to Kalamazoo. Worry about something really scary, like Iran.

What IS important is the president’s NCAA basketball tournament brackets. Think I’m kidding?

I’m actually not. Kidding, I mean. Reality check.

Things people forget. Putin is a tinpot dictator. His country has no economy apart from gangsters. China is similar. Every business model ever written demonstrates that excessive rapid growth leads to a crash. A generation ago, people were terrified that Japan would own us. Then they crashed. T’was ever so. Let’s not forget that despite Obama, America is far and away the richest nation that ever existed. Has been for more than a century. Still is. It could take another century to change that fact. We also have a military that can kick everyone’s ass even with two hands tied behind our ass with the sequester. Cuts? Awfulness? Sure. But screw with us for real and Hell will be rained upon you. Annihilation. Our nukes work. Everyone knows that.

The ultimate proof of American Exceptionalism. Yeah. We are so great, so rich, so powerful that we can elect the dumbest leader in the history of the world to date and survive it with a smile on our face. Compared to Obama, Caligula was a genius and Rome survived even him.

The bright side. We have a retarded president but even he can’t end us. We’re all a little poorer economically but we’re still richer than everyone else. Our poorest people have cell phones and hi-def teevees and the most expensive handguns made. The world is imploding at a frightening rate, but all it means in the grand scheme of things is that the world will wake up from its bad Obama dream and say, “America! Come back and save us from ourselves!” Which we will do. Even if our next president is a Democrat. Because he or she won’t won’t be an America-hating Alinskyite Marxist Anti-Semite Islamist sympathizer.

You see? We’re going to get through this. Anybody doubt that sequester military cuts can be undone in an instant? Anybody doubt that every nation in the world fears American military might if anybody had the balls to unleash it for real?

Anybody doubt that the American economy can soar again after the worst president in the history of the republic graduates to the chairmanship of the Ethnic Cleansing Committee of the United Nations?

No! We. Will. Be. Back. Obama has been, in retrospect, a necessary demonstration of why the world needs the United States of America. Like the useful idiot he was raised to be, he has shown everyone why they need us even if they don’t want to admit it. What invariably happens when the adults leave the room and put the kids in charge. Bullies aren’t smart, but they know opportunity when it is handed to them on a silver platter. So be it. Until you make them look like the nobodies they are.

Which brings us back to brackets. The manliest thing this pea-brained president can do, at this time of Ukraine bullshititude supreme, is go on ESPN and show the world that America really really really doesn’t care about Putin’s manboobs and homophobic homosexuality. What we care about is the only insanity that matters: March Madness.

Me? I’m as contradictory as it gets. I’m still rooting for Harvard to get to the big dance.

We can survive this. And we don’t have to settle. If Harvard doesn’t win, I’m rooting just as avidly for Villanova. If Duke or UNC wins again, THEN we’ll start talking about the end of life as we know it.

Get busy on your brackets, O. We need you to save the nation by an act of sheer obliviousness. I have every confidence.

You see this? It’s not about anger and resentment. It’s about living life.

After a break in posting, it’s always hard to rejoin the fray. I always need inspiration. But the universe provides. Fate dropped this pic in my lap. Note that it has nothing to do with the SI swimsuit issue. It’s about beauty instead. Won’t tell you her name or relation, only that when she sees this my wife will smile, no, beam.

Why there is still hope. She is caught here in a moment of standing still. Which she almost never does. She runs and runs and runs, seizing life every day. She can be a scold but that’s only a mask for her love of husband, child, and life. She won’t stand for anything that gets in the way of her appointment with perfection. And you know what? She gets closer to that goal than almost anyone I’ve ever met.

Why I love this picture so much. One moment when she seems to be realizing that it’s working. All the prodigious effort is succeeding. Do you know anyone like this?

Keep your eyes open. The angels of our better selves are out there.