What I Desire

I hate it when he gets like this.

I hate it when he gets like this.

Something I haven’t asked myself for a long long time. Why not? Because I think I deserve to suffer. Never mind why on that. Just know that I’ve never robbed a bank, never hit a woman, and never broken one of the Ten Commandments. The one I didn’t break will remain my secret.

In short, I’m a Scot. Guilty from the git-go. Trying to make a comeback. Why Raebert keeps giving me such hard looks, no doubt.

I desire… to ride a motorcycle again. I have a convertible sports car of considerable power. Haven’t put the top down in years. I was tempted yesterday. Spring and all that. Didn’t do it, though. I’m 60. I turn off the prostate commercials because I usually have to get up once in the middle of the night. To pee. Humiliation.

Had to jump start the lawn tractor so I could cut the grass. Waiting for the battery to recharge, I was sitting next to my Harley. Dusty, sad, unused. I DESIRED to ride it again.

Made me realize I haven’t desired much of anything for a long long time. Wanted maybe. A kiss, a kid’s smile, the approval of my wife’s difficult children and grandchildren, a dinner with my newer friends. All tough objectives that require work and planning, excepting a kiss from my wife, and I thought that was what life has become. I’m now doing two blogs and I was sure that was what I wanted. But not what I DESIRED.

I DESIRE to ride a motorcycle again. Raebert doesn’t approve, but that would be HIS problem.

Confession

I’ve always been the smartest guy in the room. Waited for decades to see it otherwise. Hoping it might be otherwise.

Never wanted to be. Not saying there weren’t physics geniuses who could talk string theory till my eyes bubbled. But I had a sense of string theory before I even read about it. Dimensions multiplicative.

Why this Diary. Last chance for anyone to understand. I hold the entire western civilization thing in my head at the same time, see all the connections, understand what is happening. I see why the experts are kindergarten minds, half-educated clowns. First grader journalists are smart, usually with degrees from Brown and Harvard. Castro, Chavez, and Obama have that ineffable I’ll-kill-you-and-you’ll-still-love-me charisma. What a bunch of losers smart infants are.

Don’t expect you to believe it. Wouldn’t say this if I hadn’t already proved it. I have. It’s just that nobody forgives you. They expect you to make allowances for them. What this website is about. I know all your arguments already. I’ve heard them all. I’ve refuted or crushed them all. I’ve anticipated all your rebuttals.

Smart people play chess, or so we’re told. All those manifold moves. I never played chess. Such a tiny board.

How can I show you how big the realm of consciousness is? Can’t. So. Go to Instapunk for another slice and dice fraction of the universe.

Anything BUT the Economy, Stupid.

Three months in, we can see the second Obama administration for what it is. The nation isn’t falling. It’s fallen.

The pattern isn’t conspiracy per se. It’s a kind of malignant opportunism. Whatever happens that can be used as a distraction from no growth, no jobs, no way out of an unexpected and unnecessary depression will be leveraged to the max. This is how it’s done when all the right pieces are in place.

Polls seem to indicate that people don’t care much about gun control or immigration reform, but the shiny objects are professionally dangled by the media and there are too few voices of conscience to stem the tide of bullshit news.

In the educated class, there is no more conscience. Just post-modern relativist rhetoric. In the rest of the population, there is no knowledge of economics, not even faint understanding of statistics. The U.S. experiences a little more than 8,000 gun deaths a year. About 250,000 abortions are performed every year. What’s important? Gun deaths, obviously.

Sandy Hook is wall to wall, and the Gosnell trial is an invented right-wing cause. Now terrorist bombs literally tear innocent Americans to pieces, and the press’s only hopeful speculation is that it’s the ghost of Timothy McVeigh. Which it might be. But that’s far less significant than the fact that the gigantic apparatus of the Department of Homeland Security has no idea what the hell happened. They read our emails, listen in on our phone calls, construct vast mysterious databases, harass and humiliate us at airports, and they know nothing? They plead for help, some clue, some lead? Really?

While our joke president plays golf and parties with Beyonce and Jay-Z.

I’m here to tell you what no one else will, not even the conservatives and Tea Partiers who keep getting suckered into the same cynical transparent game. It’s the economy, stupid.

Absolutely everything else is just bullshit. Creating more dependency on government. Until no one has a spine left.

And no more inkling of where right and wrong might lie. Just nobles and serfs.

What will we get out of the deal? Marijuana! And a lot less of that distressing God talk.

Hallelujah.

A Dream I Used to Have

I’ll keep it brief. It’s just a dream I had many times. I saw him on a hill, surrounded by people who were closer to him than I could ever be. I was distant, lower down the hill. But I got the briefest sidelong glance, a split second of his recognition. Not a bonding but a kind of permission. Go on, it said, do what you do. I understand. I can wait.

People have tried to tell me it was forgiveness. I’m not convinced. I think it was just a nod, a neutral message telling me, You find your way to me, maybe because you can and maybe because I have people who need me more.

Long time since I had that dream. But back then I almost felt like it was a mutual wink. We understood each other. Now I know better. And I’d give anything to have that dream again.

Things I Know

This will probably wind up being a long list. I’ve lived a long time and a lot of what I once knew isn’t true. But I can start here and chip away at it in between the other more spectacular things that tend to preoccupy us. They’re not all big glamorous things.

For example, as an American who has traveled extensively abroad and eaten at some truly fine restaurants, I’ve learned what the four basic food groups are.

1. Hamburgers with onions and ketchup. Variations are okay, but they should never make us lose sight of the staple you order late at night with friends in one of the old time diners. With fries and a coke unless you’d prefer a milkshake.

2. Submarine sandwiches, a.k.a. hoagies, hero sandwiches, torpedoes, souvlakis, grinders, etc. Vegetables are present but only in a supporting role to cheese, capacolla, salami, tuna, lamb, poultry, and beefsteak. Every nation has at least one version, and we have them all. Why it’s called American exceptionalism.

3. Pasta that isn’t chewy. Forget the tortellini crap. It’s the fundamental ingredient of so much, whether the sauce is marinara, Alfredo, or soy, and whether the dish involves meatballs, chicken, seafood, or stir fried vegetables. Pasta makes the food world go round.

4. Family style holiday or celebratory dinners. Not supposed to be healthy for you. Turkey with all the trimmings at Thanksgiving and Christmas, lobster and champagne at New Years, ham and asparagus at Easter, pizza on prom night, fried rice and dumplings after the big exam, hot dogs and corn on the cob on Independence Day, fried chicken or grilled steaks and peach ice cream on Labor Day, Eggs Benedict on your honeymoon, filet mignon and baked potatoes with sour cream on your birthday, fish on Friday, and pot roast after church on Sunday. These were never believed to hurt people when we still thought family was something other than a dysfunctional curse. Look how far we’ve come down the road of making the ineffable unspeakable. Actually, these are the best foods there are, and the best for you too. Think of the smiles. Throw in some wine and beer and all is right with the world.

You see, being retired, I don’t have to make an argument to prove what I’ve learned. I’ve learned it, that’s all.

As I suggested, the list will get longer. A lot longer. A teaser: Old friends are the best friends. Really? The evidence that this is nonsense extends into infinity. But right now my dog is barking to come in from his afternoon romp.

We’ll take this up another time.

I want a Danish.

The Boss makes me tired. All that mumbling about Truth and the Big Cheezit. Faugh. We don’t all get along. Never did. I know he has a Danish. Mrs. Boss told us it was in the cold box in the corner. He forgets things. I’ll remind him again in a minute. Can’t remember how long a minute is. Reminding again NOW. I want a Danish.

Nefarious Narratives

I’m still struggling with the notion that freedom from the archaisms of religion allows for a more objective and rationally enlightened consensus of morality. The argument is generally couched in terms of an increase in individual freedom by both secularist liberals and libertarians, both of which trade on their appropriations of the word liberty.

But this argument fails in a number of ways. Most importantly because it is spectacularly untrue and self-contradictory. Neither liberals nor libertarians are honest. Both are expressly Utopian, meaning they claim that there is a set of rationally determined circumstances that can achieve the ideal of human equality and individual empowerment, regardless of divisive pre-existing social, educational, cultural, ethnic, racial, economic, and (of course) religious factors. Which is nonsense. It’s not what they really believe.

Libertarians are essentially Randian. (Why did Ron Paul name his son Rand?) Their position is that I should be able to do what I want to do, and you should trust that I’m not actually inimical to the well being of others, even though my core postulate is the supremacy of my own self-interest. It is superficially attractive to many who should know better because it is not intelligent human philosophy but rather an obvious rhetorical opposition to statist control of human actions. In real terms, of course, it is a prescription for state control. When religion, the meta-human anchor that keeps people rooted in enduring values, is done in for its fancied crimes, the rational deciders of objective morality are, by default, human beings. What is the remaining attractor for those rationalists who know better than everyone else? It’s government. Where they get to rewrite all the values as they see fit.

It has become fashionable to deride “reactionaries” who pose the specter of slippery slopes. These don’t really exist, we are told, except as last-ditch arguments made by those who have already lost the debate on the merits. Except that the history of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries is a stunning avalanche of slippery slopes that have consumed entire peoples, nations, and, yes, the oh-so-prized individual as well.

Libertarians are perhaps uniquely lunkheaded in their subjective assessments of the consequences of secular hijacking of the social contract. Motivations and effects of secularists whose views do not accord with their own can be safely ruled irrelevant. Atheist Nazis were irrational in their beliefs and therefore immaterial. Communism in the Soviet Union and China was rationalism deluded by a false economic premise; they failed to understand the libertarian gospel of the Chicago school of economics. Big mistake. Therefore not germane.

What the Randians stubbornly refuse to realize is that for all her later pretensions, Ayn Rand was not writing philosophy in Atlas Shrugged; she was writing a parable. She was reacting against a youth lived in the iron oppression of the Soviet Union, which was bent on exterminating individual identity to replace it with automatons of the state. Which is, in fact, rational, but anti-human. Her book Anthem is the clearest statement of her emotional inspiration. The protagonist learns to replace the statist “we” with the human “I.” When all societal forces are trying to annul your basic human identity, the response is to mount an equally monolithic defense. I matter more than the whole state. Otherwise, I am wholly lost. But her claims to an objective truth that refutes the Soviet truth are rootless. Without God, there is no basis for declaring one right and the other wrong.

Indeed, the Soviet truth makes more sense in a godless universe, especially if all the religions of the world are superstitious malarkey. Without the residue of that superstition in your head, why would you flinch at the sight of a man in uniform shooting a mother and her children in the head? Is the gun aimed at you? No. And which is the more rational response to being concerned that the gun might one day be aimed at you? Fighting for a spurious notion of universal justice, or becoming yourself the man with the gun and the uniform that makes it right?

So the libertarians are lying to themselves in a deep way. Oddly, for example, their positions on abortion, same sex marriage, drugs, and disengagement from the world tend to mirror the positions of liberals with expressly statist goals, and they do not comprehend the contradiction.

Liberals, on the other hand, are fooling themselves in an even sillier way. They talk about equality and social justice and retribution for ancient wrongs, on behalf of all the people who are mired in misery, and not for one moment do they realize that they are themselves disciples of Ayn Rand.

Yes, that’s what I said. From first to last they and their feudal subjects are motivated by pure objectivist self-interest. Despite the gloss of Atlas Shrugged with all its creative entrepreneurs, there is nothing commanding self-interest to be consciously or even neutrally virtuous. Protestations to the contrary are mere pretension or, more bluntly, self-serving PR. Revenge is just as meritorious an aspiration as creativity. How is greed by the talentless subordinate to ambition by the able? It isn’t. We all get only one shot at it. Who cares what happens to the generations after I’m gone?

We’ve had a century to observe FDR liberals and his heirs in action. In all that time, they have never cared about the results of their “reform” efforts or the consequences to the victims, er, beneficiaries of their lordly largesse. The only striking record of accomplishment they have recorded is the continual growth of government, the increase in power located in Washington, DC, the conquest of formerly liberal institutions of higher learning by post-modern nihilism, and the slow deterioration of the journalism profession to concubine of the political left.

It’s no coincidence that the two longest periods of economic depression since 1929 are the FDR administration and the Obama administration. But they’re not failures in liberal minds because both men got reelected. They take credit for JFK even though in today’s terms he would have been a right wing conservative, militant about national defense and devoted to tax cuts as economic stimulus. They don’t care. He’s cover for the whole party because he favored the civil rights movement, which conceals the fact that the 1964 Civil Rights Act was passed by Republicans in congress, not Democrats. LBJ vowed to end poverty. His urban renewal program knocked down black neighborhoods and began fifty years of government-sponsored Jim Crow legislation, which directly subsidized the destruction of black families, the annihilation of the public school system, and the creation of a permanent underclass of, well, urban sharecroppers, whose only crop is illegal drugs. Sixties liberals still preen over their successful opposition to the war in Vietnam and fail to accept any responsibility for the mult-million murders in Vietnam and Cambodia caused by their humanitarian delusions.

It simply can’t be the case that smart, rich politicians believe any of this crap has worked. Except in the sense that it has kept them rich, powerful, and in office.

But the slippery slopes are everywhere, and they have turned into a federal infrastructure of chutes to ruination and progressively more impossibly steep ladders to individual success.

Rational? Surely they would tell you so. Even as they continue and amplify their efforts to rout God and Christianity from all corners of the nation but the real estate on which churches sit. And contrary to the complaining of our “free press,” they are succeeding spectacularly. 75 percent of black children are born out of wedlock, and lesser but equally frightening percentages are true of other demographics as well, while the studies demonstrate that children of young single mothers are many times more likely to get involved with drugs, gangs, prison, and violent death.

Amazingly, not even the Gollum press, whose Precious plays golf and jets sybaritically around the world while the country disintegrates, retains any capability to see that propaganda about gun control — inspired by the deaths of suburban white children — constitutes any kind of fundamental and anti-moral hypocrisy. It still makes more sense to them that big signs advertising schools as gun-free zones tempt maniacs to invade schools with guns. Meanwhile, gang culture in Detroit and Chicago is killing hundreds of nonwhite children with admittedly illegal guns — which doesn’t occur in the public mind because the press doesn’t report on it.

You see. Liberals care. Ask the New York Times. Ask Harvard professors. Ask Hollywood stars. Ask every comfortable liberal who spews unspeakable hate against all who dare to oppose their fraudulent causes.

Did I forget same-sex marriage? No. Another crock. Professional politicans falling like dominoes to proclaim their support for a reform most have been conspicuously opposed to for ostensibly moral reasons.

How we know that God has been successfully evicted from the machinery of state. The MSM fails to cover the case of two men, legally married to one another, who adopted nine boys and proceeded to molest two or more of them. Trial underway as we speak. Have you heard of it? No. Doesn’t fit the narrative.

Right now, an appalling trial is underway in Pennsylvania in which an abortionist is charged with killing seven but perhaps many hundreds of babies who survived botched abortions by snipping their spinal cords. At the same time, a spokesman for Planned Parenthood in Florida testifies to the state legislature that such decisions belong entirely to the mothers and doctors involved. First, abortion was a right covered by the privacy of a woman’s uterus. But guess what? They never cared about the uterus. Babies who somehow manage to escape the uterus are also subject to termination. Post-Christian rational morality has now accomplished the great leap forward of reverting to the bowels of ancient Roman bathhouses where pagan mothers entombed their smothered unwelcome babies. It’s called progress. Or social justice. Or liberty. Because we’re, you know, so liberal.

Rationalists. What do they do? They argue for an inch and take a mile. The goalposts keep moving, more all the time. How the dictatorship of the proletariat turned into the Gulag Archipelago. That’s no accident. It’s the inevitable product of human hubris by rationalists convinced that they are smarter than multiple millennia of cultural and moral consensus. Some animals are more equal than others. Anybody think Rand wouldn’t agree with that basic proposition?

What makes it so dire and probably fatal is that the media are Randians too. It’s not a good career move to deviate from the approved narrative.

What God used to be for. Something bigger than my career, no matter what it costs me. Yes, there used to be journalistic ethics. But what underpinned those ethics is gone. By post-modern, arrogant consent.

 

Watching the Boss

I’ve got my eye on the Boss today as he works through some issues with the plastic kibble that he continually chews with his hands.

raebertSunglasses

Keeping a close eye. Because he’s still upset.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe this video of a friend will cheer him up.

Another Ending

We’ve been standing for a while now at the precipice of a dizzying decline from the world we were born into. Today, Margaret Thatcher died. She is, thanks to the speed of media (is ‘speedia’ a new meme?), already a yellowed and despised artifact of a time we have collectively decided to misremember. Contemporary Brits mock her, if they remember her at all, as our own ‘liberals’ continue to mock Reagan. Even though the two of them, with the help of John Paul II, managed to end one of the most oppressive and murderous regimes in the history of mankind, which also happened to be the greatest military force for the subjugation of humanity yet seen on earth. Rivals to that deadly regime are already preparing their own offensives, one religious and one atheist, and the only nation with the power to stand against them is sunk in indecisive lethargy.

Why? Because the people who are supposed to be the smartest among us are committed to our defeat and destruction.

There will be time later on to explore their motives in greater detail, but the purpose of mentioning this crisis is to explain the existence of this new blog. I spent much of the last decade fighting in the sphere of politics, believing — against the odds — that Americans would vote for their own freedom rather than those who nakedly seek to control every aspect of their lives.

I was fixated on the political threat from the left. In so doing I missed the equally dangerous threat from the right, those who cast themselves as political libertarians in the mold of Ayn Rand’s objectivist philosophy.

My blindness to the real issues underneath the politics caused me to make significant errors. With my political hat on, I was motivated to understate the extremity of the religious and philosophical divide that has empowered the totalitarians. I failed to apprehend that Randian libertarians are also totalitarians, but either naively or ignorantly unaware of it.

When I encountered a full-on attack from that quarter, I failed to take it seriously. I was dismissive, arrogant, and inattentive. I didn’t even read the posts all the way through. I was wrong in that. More specifically, I was wrong to prefer keeping religion out of the political discussion. I thought it a needless distraction. I was disastrously wrong about that.

Then I got forcibly silenced for a week that seemed like it could be permanent.There were clues I take seriously that I was being told to wake up and smell the coffee.

I have done so. Here are my new premises:

– Almost everything we think of as progress in modern history is a direct function of Christianity.

– Christianity, and its Jewish precursor, is under global attack, from within and without.

– Moral relativism based on identity politics and supposed post-Christian sophistication is nihilist, masochistic, incoherent, and poisonous to freedom.

– The line of defense against a new Dark Age is not defense of all religions, but one religion in particular, Christianity.

– It’s too late for politics to save us. At this moment before we plunge into an epoch of darkness, it’s crucial to remember what made us and what will enable us to survive as individual human beings through the crucible that awaits.

I say this as one whose Christian faith has always been subject to doubt. What I missed in my own internal debates was the strength of an argument I have made repeatedly over the years. Nothing else quite works. It was always a backward proof. Now I’m committed to exploring more positive proofs. Because the extent to which everything else doesn’t work is becoming more dire and horrifying by the day.

That said, this won’t be a blog full of sermons and sententious Bible quotations. That’s not my way. I just want to look at everything from a different, less political and more philosophical perspective. Why are we here and what should we be doing? Does the universe offer any clues? Is science really the enemy of faith? Are physics, mathematics, and poetry merely discrepant absurdist tricks? Or is there a whole we can perhaps (pun intended) divine from our own experience?

I promise not to do any of this without a sense of humor. That particular tone I leave entirely to the atheists, who have proven their humorlessness beyond possibility of any rival.

Woo Woo.

Raebert1

I‘m three. Or so they told me when they gave me the hamburger last time from the white bag with the yellow legs on it. Which is supposed to make me dumb I guess. But my kind aren’t dumb except for the dumb ones. What we are is ancient instead. I have an old guy who thinks he’s the boss and a mommy who thinks she is too but I know my history whether they recognize it or not. I know every one who has lived in this place because I can smell them. All I need. There was one like me before and the boss and mommy thought I would be just like him.

I am but I’m not too and I know this because I am a sight hound and we are special because we can see mice running in the grass a hundred yards away and all the way through eyes into what bosses and mommies are thinking right now. Not all of us but me anyway. Why I worry about the boss because we have the same blood and there is sadness that runs through our heads the same way we run through fields.

The boss is sad because he used to run his mind through the plastic kibble he never ate but always chewed with his paws in front of the box of pictures he couldn’t take his eyes away from. He has become a sad boss and I have all I can do to take care of him. He needs to go to bed at the right time, which is seven lie downs after my dinner and out, but he never does. He watches the box of colors without his plastic kibble and he doesn’t run in his head the way he did.

His head only works like mine does in dreams. He sees things happening there and the things happening there are terrible. I know the best way out of those dreams is Cheezits and Cheetos. He has these but they don’t please him and I keep trying to make him see that I see what he sees and it is not so bad because there are Cheezits and Cheetos and that is enough.

Eyes are enough. My kind doesn’t need plastic kibble to speak. We just look what we want to say. What I am doing now and you hear what I look don’t you?

I am looking this thing because I want my boss to smile and he does not know how anymore. I am looking harder than I need to look because I need to find how to give him the look he needs to be better. I am seeing names of things he sees and I am working to run through them like he should. Like the worst out there is only one more deer to be run down.

Raebert

So. I’m suddenly a retired blogger. The webmaster who was posting my work suddenly stopped. That’s okay, actually. I probably said what I had to say several times over. What’s not okay is the feeling that your fingers should still be lodged in the dike, preventing the imminent catastrophe.

It’s probably ego that’s holding you against the wall that is the failing dike. You don’t want to admit you never made a difference, ten fingers or none.

Ego fades with age. But habit holds time hostage. I’ve noticed the phenomenon that stars of long-lived TV series look the same year after year. Then, when the show is cancelled and they appear on a new series, they’re suddenly much older. Less makeup, fewer kind cameras? Maybe they just quit clenching their youth.

How I feel. I fought so hard for so long, maintained the same grim convictions at all costs, and now, cancelled, I feel, well, different.

Not better. It’s like the end of a losing war. Defeat was not real as long as you kept fighting, no matter what casualties you saw on the battlefield. But when you lay down your arms at last, there IS a lassitude that sets in. I know it has set in on me. Even the cats and dogs are staring at me strangely.

But every end, even disastrous ones, portend a new start. That’s what this is. My heart still beats, I will still write, and –I know my own DNA by this time — I will never ever give up on what I believe in.

I know that wasn’t exactly a ringing invitation to join me here, but do accept the invitation. When you’re not always in combat, you can be in better tune with yourself and others. You can laugh more easily. Even on the gallows.

I intend for us to have some fun here. And there are donuts in the lobby.

Robert