Yessir
Arafak He's from the middle east
somewhere, and he's got that cool stubble.
Toni
Bair. Isn't he like the Presdent of the Yukay?
He's kind of like Clitton, only he's
got that pansy accent.
Bono
Bondo. He's the lead singer of the band You Too.
David Bowie
David Body. He's an old time rock star from the Yukay, but he's too cool° to be a has-been. Like he used to wear a dress before anybody else knew it was cool.
Fidel
Castrol. He's the dictator dude°
from Cuber. He'd make a really cool Lesbian°—all
that camo and the cap and the cigars. But he's maybe too violent°
to be cool. Didn't he kill JFK
or something?
Prince Charles
Prince Charle. He's from Whailes, right? He was married to Lady Die, and he's a real bastard.
Jacques Chirac
Jacques
Chicrat. He looks kind of like a frog, doesn't he? Is he maybe
from Canadia?
Sean Connery
Sean Connerly. One of the three oldest leading men in Hollywood. Cool°. Is he maybe from Scotlan? He was also Bond. James Bond. The real Bond. The one who smoked cigarettes and nailed every babe° in the picture and even shot them if they were being a treacherous bitch°. That's not cool anymore, even though it is. Kind of. You know.
Ellio Gonzalo. The little boy from Cuber that all the Cuben-Amerians want to stay in Ameria and all the good° Amerians want to send back to Cuber because they love° him so much they couldn't stand it if he got killed by a drive-by shooter in Maimi.
Juan Miguel Gonzalez
Juan Miguel Gonzalo. Nice suit. Nice tie. Wonder where he's going to hang those in the hut. But they'll look great on the cover of Type magazine when he wins 'Father of the Year' for taking his boy home to a sentence of 70 years at hard labor.
George
Hawwison. He's a Beadle. See Paul and
John.
Saddam Hussein
Soddum
Hussanus.The Beast of Irak.
Mick
Jaeger. The all-time champion rock star. He showed everybody else how
to do it,and they all tried to live up to it even if it killed them, which
it generally did, so everybody stopped trying and went alternative°
instead, which is better. Kind of. But what if all the alternatives fade
away too, and Mick is still there, prancing his ass off with the Roiling
Stones? That's kind of a scary thought, isn't it? Is there a word for something
that's even better than cool°? Shidooby.
(See The Boomer Bible, Book of Pspeciastes, Pspec 3, verses 9-15)
Elton John
Elder John. The only major rock star
who was never cool°. Then he
got even worse. He did that bad song about Marilyn
Munroe and when Lady Die got killed,
he changed a few of the words and got the Queen
to make him a knight. Now he's Sir Reggie. That's not cool. That's geeky.
(See The Zeezer Bible, Book of Doo Dooz, Chapter 4)
Michael Kane. He's a famous actor from Englan, but what movies was he ever in? Does anybody remember?
Paul
McCockney. He's a Beadle. Maybe the most famous one. See George
and John.(See also The Boomer Bible,
Book of Pspeciastes, Pspec 3, verses 3-12.)
Boris Nyetsin.
The
Pope. He was charismatic and energetic when he moved into The
Vatigan, which is where the Pope has to live. So he got shot, naturally,
and now he's got a little bulletproof golf cart to ride around in. If the
Born Agains° could spare a few
minutes of Jeesus's time, it looks like
the Pope could use a little solace and comfort. Some healing might be nice
too. Of course, if Bobby Joe University has some problem with that, we'd
understand. Without the Roman Catholic Church, the Bobby Joe campus would
be a cotton field, and the student body would be reading their scripture
from the yellow pages. But we'd understand. The Pope would understand too.
What's more, he'd forgive. We'll try.
Muamar Qaddaffy. Formerly, the number one maniac in the Third Wurld°. Now he's slipped to number two, behind Soddum Hussanus. Word is, Quaddaffy's designing clothes. Sounds promising, but Tommy Kilfinger's got a big lead on you.
Queen Elizabeth
Queen Elizabitch. Bitch° is right.
Keith Richer. Shidooby. See also Mick.
Saran Saran. He killed Robert F. Schwartzenkennedy. Because it was Tuesday. That's the story anyway.
Elias Sosaa
Ellio Soso. Homeruns are cool°.
Sting
Stink. You'd probably change your name too if you started out as a 'Gordon.' But there are better names to pick.
Jang
Zemang. The presdent of Chyna.
Go to Who's Who of Has-Beens
Go to Who's Who in History
Go to Who's Who in Ameria.
Go to Shuteye Nation.
Go to Shuteye Nation Gazetteer.
Go to Foreign Gazetteer.
Go to the Y2000 Amerian Glossary.
Go to Headlines 2000.
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