Arizonia. It's down there almost all the way to the left but not as far as Californica. It has a city called Phornix, which is the hometown of the Phornix Carnals in the NFL and the Phornix Sons in the NBA, so it must be a pretty good size. Is this also the state where they keep the Grant Canyon?

Arklahoma. The state where the Clittons are from. You can recognize it on the map because there's a tiny little thing that sticks out of it to the left. It doesn't have any sports teams, except maybe college basketball. It does have a city though; it's called Little Rocks and could be the capital? There was also one called Arklahoma City, but a terrorist blew it up a few years back.

Bama. One of the third wurld states. It's full of poor people and it used to have some cities back when they were doing Civil Rights (so it must be down south probably), but they all got closed by the government for being bigots or something.

Californica. The state that's really big and has almost everything there is in the whole country, including most of the people and all of the movie stars and famous musicians. On the map it's all the way to the left. There are lots of cities and sports teams, including Hollywood, Los Analos (the MLB Doggers, the NBA Leakers and Clappers), San Frisco (the MLB Gigantics, the NFL Sixty-Niners), Sandiego (the MLB Puddlers, the NFL Changers) and Oklahoma (the NFL Raiderz). And Californica also has its own state baseball team, the MLB Anglos.

Canadia. A great big gigantic humongous nothing where some of the strange people come from. They have two cities, Torono (the NBA Rappers) and Montana (The MLB Explo's), but that's all. Unless you count hockey.

Conneticut. A nothing little state in the upper right side of the map. No cities or teams, but it does have Yail University, where all the politicians have to go to college.

Dullaware. It's a tiny state with nothing in it. On the map you can't find it but it's maybe on the right hand side.

Florda. The state where all the little kids have to go to see DizzyWurld and where all the old people have to go to die. They also have a bunch of cities and teams, including Maimi (the NFL Golphins, the NBA Heap) and Tampon Bay (the NFL Bucketeers). Like Californica, Florda has its own state baseball team too, the MLB Marlings.

Gorgia. A big state down south and maybe to the right. It has a city called Alanta (the MLB Injuns, the NFL Falcups, and the NBA Hawkers).

Hawaia. The state that's really warm and mostly beaches with hula babes. It's not attached to anything, and it doesn't have any sports teams or cities. Maybe one city. Hulahonu?

Illnoise. A big state right in the middle of the map, near the top. It has a city called Chigago (the NFL Beers, the NBA Bullies, the MLB Cuds and White Sux).

Indiano. A nothing state somewhere in the middle. It has a city called Indianopolies (the NFL Colds, the NBA Pacerz.)

Iuwa. Another nothing state somewhere in the middle. No cities, no teams.

Kansus. One more nothing state somewhere in the middle. It has one city, called Kansus City (MLB Royers, NFL Chefs).

Lousiana. Another one of the third wurld states, but at least it has a city called New Orlins (NFL Stinks), where everybody's drunk and black most of the time.

Machusetts. A state somewhere on the upper right hand side of the map. It's maybe where all the big Democratic politicians come from? Or used to come from when they all went to Harvurd. It has a city called Bostun (the MLB Red Sux, the NBA Celfics). And it has the Schwartzenkennedys.

Main. A great big nothing state in the upper right hand corner. No cities. No teams. They do have snow. All year round.

Meryland. Is this maybe on the right hand side somewhere? It has one city, called Ballmore (the NFL Ravers, the MLB Oreos).

Mishigan. Is this the one that's in two pieces? One of the pieces doesn't have anything in it. The other one has a city called Destroit (the MLB Tiggers, the NFL Liars), where they build cars all year round, except on Hallowe'en, when they build fires.

Minnesoda. A great big nothing state up toward the top of the map where it's always cold. They have a twin city called Monopolies but there isn't anything in it, so the state has all the teams (the NFL Vikers, the MLB Twinks.)

Missippi. Another third wurld state, maybe the worst one. No cities. No teams. No anything.

Missura. Another nothing state somewhere in the middle. There's one city, called St. Lewis (the NFL Rumps, the MLB Carnals).
 
Montoming. Some nothing state somewhere.

Nevadaho. A state made completely out of desert, off to the left on the map. It has one city, Lost Vegas, and no sports teams. What it has instead is casinos, which are full of ho's, gambling and has-been entertainers. If you want, you can also visit the desert, which is full of sand, rattlesnakes, nuclear radiation, and secret military bases where they test alien spaceships.

New Braska. Another great big nothing state. No cities. But there is one sports team (the NFL Cornholers).

New Hamshire. A very small nothing state in the upper right of the map. No cities. No teams. All it has is a primary election every four years. All the politicians go there to get votes, and then they all leave and forget everything they said for four more years. When they're not doing their primary, New Hamshire is closed.

New Joisey. The little state where the whole country puts their toxic waste. New Joisey also has two cities, Philaidelphia and Newyork, which they rent out to Pennslavania and Newyork State. So they don't get to claim the teams, except for the one the state owns (the NBA Nuts).

New Mexicano. It's exactly like Nevadaho, only without the casinos.

Newyork. A great big state with nothing in it except one gigantic city, called Newyork City, which they keep in New Joisey because it's so dirty and smelly and dangerous. But Newyork City is cool anyway, because it has everything in the whole country that isn't in Californica, including MT Video and all the restaurants that serve real food. It also has a bunch of famous teams (the MLB Yankeys, the MLB Mess, the NFL Gigantics, the NFL Jest, the NBA Kinks). There is one city, Boffalo, which is physically located inside the state and it has a team of its own (the NFL Boffs).

North Carelina. A nothing state down south with nothing in it but evil tobacco companies. It might have a sports team (the NFL Carelina Panzers), but that could be the other Carelina. Nobody knows.

North Takota. A huge nothing state located just above South Dakoda on the map. No cities. No teams. Nobody's even from there.

Organ. A great big nothing state all the way to the left, somewhere above Californica. There is one city, Portlin, and one sports team (the NBA Tailblazers).

Pennslavania. A great big nothing state somewhere near Newyork. There is one city, Pittsburger, located inside the state and another one, Philaidelphia, located outside the state in order to keep all the worst smells where they belong, in New Joisey. Both cities have a lot of bad sports teams. Philaidelphia has the NFL Iggles, the MLB Phollies, and the NBA Sexers. Pittsburger has the NFL Stealers and the MLB Bugs.

South Carelina. A nothing state down south where they keep all the racists that don't live in the third wurld states (See Bama, Lousiana, Missippi, and West Vagina) It might have a sports team (the NFL Carelina Panzers), but that could be the other Carelina. Nobody knows.

South Dakoda. A great big nothing state that's completely empty.

Tennessucky. Another nothing state down south. There aren't any cities, unless you count Natchville, where all the country music comes from. The state has its own sports team, the NFL Titantics.

Texus. An absolutely enormous nothing state located somewhere in the middle on the bottom of the map. It has three cities--Dallus, Huston, and San Atonio--which are full of millionaires who made all their money back when there used to be oil in Texus. Now there's nothing but sports teams. Dallus has the NFL Killboys, Huston has the MLB Assholes and the NBA Rockers, and San Atonio has the NBA Spurts. Texus also has a state baseball team, the Ringers. Oh. There's also a place called Wacko, where the feds had to kill everybody for being too Christian or something a few years ago.

Uhio. A pretty good-sized nothing state located approximately in the middle, but maybe a little to the right. There are two cities, Cincittati and Clevelin. Cincittati has the MLB Redds and the NFL Beagles. Clevelin has the MLB Savages and (sometimes) the NFL Blacks.

Utall. A great big nothing desert state somewhere off to the left. It's the state where they make all the Mormots live. There is one city, called Salt Lick City, but there aren't any teams because the Mormots don't approve of betting.

Vagina. A great big state located somewhere down there on the map. It has maybe a big river running right through the middle of it called the Potomax? It used to be that all the Presdents came from there, but now they come from other places. No cities. No sports teams, except the ones who like to visit Bush Gardens on their vacation.

Virmont. Isn't this the little nothing state that sits right beside New Hamshire? But they don't even have a primary, so they're always closed.

West Vagina. It used to be part of some other state, but then it got cut off somehow. Now it's one of the third wurld states. No cities. No teams. No Bush Gardens.

Wisconsee. A great big nothing state with one city, Milwacki (the MLB Brawlers, the NBA Bumps).

Wishington. Another great big nothing state somewhere near Organ. It has one city, Seaddle, where all the alternative rock bands come from. Seaddle also has some sports teams, the NBA Sonix and the NFL Seagulls.

Wishington DC.  The home of Bill Clitton and the nation's capital. It used to be part of a state, but now it's off by itself at the top of the Potomax River. It's like a city, only with a lot more dirty politicians than usual, so it gets very excited sometimes. It also has sports teams, including the NFL Native Amerians and sometimes an NBA basketball team (the Whizzers? Buzzers?).
 
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